Crip the Holidays: Making Your Holiday Gathering Accessible

It's Holiday Season #3 with COVID-19: Safety & Comfortability

We’re wrapping up year 3 navigating COVID, and we acknowledge that the past few years have been draining, sad, angering, and difficult. We also recognize that with vaccines, a lot of folks feel comfortable going back to interacting without masks and being in close contact with one another. However, there is still a large group of people that are still susceptible to getting COVID, and may, unlike you, be at higher risk to get COVID and experience a bad infection from it. Some folks with pre-existing conditions who even have their vaccinations will likely experience COVID a bit harder than those without pre-existing conditions. It is entirely valid that these communities still wish to be more cautious with social interaction. As we all try to stay safe this holiday season, respect the safety wishes of your loved ones. Let’s all try our best to be understanding and inclusive of our loved ones who are more at risk. This could look like: wearing masks inside, eating or drinking outside or with windows open (weather permitting!), offering alternative holiday plans so more people can participate, or FaceTiming folks that can’t come into a dinner or game. If you have another COVID safe holiday plan, please share it in the comments on this blog page or social media!

Warm Hugs? Mistletoe Kisses? Ask Before Initiating Physical Contact

We all have that one family member that goes in for the big hug after not seeing you (maybe even since last holiday season!). And although most people mean well, physical contact could be triggering, uncomfortable, and even painful for folks that have been through trauma, have chronic pain, or just don’t wish to be touched. Consent is important, even between family members who you’ve known forever because you never know what someone else has been through. Especially over the holidays this year with an increase in things like the Flu or COVID, personal space and medical safety may be important to someone. It doesn’t have to be awkward or a thing, you can simply say something like, “Oh my gosh, it’s been so long! Are you okay if I give you a hug?” And if that person says yes, feel free to hug them! But if they say no, leave it at that and honor that they don’t what someone in their personal space, no matter who it is. It doesn’t matter why they don’t want physical contact, just respect their boundaries, and continue chatting and reconnecting in a way that feels best for both of you.

Language: Share the Warmth of the Holiday Season with Kind Words

Catching up with loved ones you haven’t seen maybe since last holiday season is always exciting and fun. What’s not so exciting and fun: getting asked invasive questions about yourself that are connected to bad memories or trauma. We’ve all had someone ask a question or bring up a topic that makes us uncomfortable, puts us on the spot, and makes us talk about something we’d rather not at a merry holiday gathering. Here are some tips about what not to say/ask, and what to say if you are asked about something you don’t want to talk about

Avoid talking about/saying these things:

• ‘What happened to you??’ or ‘What’s wrong with you?’ If someone looks different from how you last saw them, stop and consider what that person may have gone through.
• If you know that someone has been through a trauma, don’t try to get all of the information out of them about what happened. Even if that person is open to sharing, a holiday party is likely not the time to do so.
• Avoid making comments about someone’s weight or physical appearance. People are sensitive to how they are perceived, and your comments could have a bigger impact on them than you think. Someone you know may have a disability or reaction to a medicine that causes their weight to fluctuate. They also could experience an ED (eating disorder) or body dysmorphia, and certain comments could exacerbate that condition for them.
• Be mindful about assuming someone’s gender or sexuality. Gender and sexuality can and do fluctuate. So, even if you’ve known your family member or friend to have a certain gender or sexuality identity, be open to the fact that they may identify differently. That could mean using a new name, different pronouns, or dating someone of a different gender. It may take an adjustment but try your best to respect their identity.
• Lastly, especially in the year of Roe v. Wade overturning, be mindful and gentle about asking people who can get pregnant if they want kids, are trying to get pregnant, or what their plans are. This is likely a hard time for them to navigate, and as the conversation about reproductive rights has moved more into the light, we know that many people are facing barriers to general care. People you know may even be experiencing reproductive health-related issues or stress, so it is best to be gentle and cautious when talking about potential kids and families.

What to say or do if asked something invasive:

• Say something like: “I’d rather not talk about that right now”
• Or, don’t answer! You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to
• You can also change the topic completely, ask about them, something you have in common, etc. 
• Consider having someone you trust with you throughout the gathering to help steer the conversation in a different direction
  • If you prefer to chit-chat with loved ones on your own, consider still letting someone you trust to know in advance that you are worried about a sensitive topic coming up in conversation. If it comes up, take some time to go talk or recharge with the person you trust, away from the main group or person

Blog written by Maddie Crowley

Maddie is Disability Rights Florida's Social Media and Content Specialist. They are multiply disabled and hope that readers can take something away from this blog based on what they've learned over the years at inaccessible social gatherings.